Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The C Word

Christina Condit, is a young chastity speaker, who talks to teenagers about why waiting to have sex is worth it. Christina shares her insights with True Feminism.

SD: What is Chastity?

CC: Chastity is a word that can make most of us cringe. When I am dating a guy I never say to him.. “I am practicing chastity…” Who under the age of 20 understands what that means anyway? However, there IS beautiful meaning behind this word we run from. Simply stated it is waiting until marriage to have sex. It is recognizing that the most valuable gift you can give someone is yourself. Its recognizing that not everyone deserves you because for instance.. “Where do you find diamonds? On every street corner, available to everyone? No, they are hidden, buried. Where do we find pearls? In our back yard? No, at the bottom of the ocean. Anything that is sacred or valuable is covered and hard work to find.”~Anonymous

Your body is a treasure, so let someone work to deserve it.

In more concrete ways: it is setting boundaries or standards on where he can place his hands when you are dancing, or asking him or her if you can not always hang out in the basement because it leads to trouble, etc., By setting these standards there is a clear line and also you will discover if the person is there to spend time with YOU or your body.

By making the decision to wait until marriage it gives you clarity! When you begin to go farther than kissing there is a chemical called, Oxytocin, that is released to your brain that attaches you to that person forever. So if you go home with someone, like our music tells us too, and end up attached to that person, you might ignore if they are selfish, lazy, etc., and that’s why relationships end up a mess. That’s the point of sexual things.. to bond you to each other and this is perfect in marriage! Taking sex out of marriage is like taking fire out of a fireplace. A beautiful gift can quickly become destructive.

SD: How did you become a chastity speaker?

CC: For many reasons,

1) I thought many adults didn’t know how to connect to our high school world, STD slide shows didn’t scare us, or help us, we wanted to know why to wait. The only person who was effective was Jason Evert, so I started educating myself on this topic during my breaks because we definitely didn’t learn it in school. I wanted to be an example and do something to help my friends who needed guidance.

2) God allowed me to suffer the pain of being neglected and being apart of a family that did not love one another. Being neglected as a child resulted to searching for love in all the wrong places such as alcohol. But those painful years of my childhood are a blessing in disguise. It has giving me the conviction to help others understand how important it is to truly love each other so we can stop inflicting pain on our babies.

At 18, I decided to volunteer in the high schools of my hometown, Cincinnati Ohio. I had a passion in my heart that I knew didn’t come from me. I had found my purpose, I wanted to make the world a better place by helping others discover what it means to love. At 20 I signed onto CMGbooking.com (Catholic Media Group). I didn’t plan on this happening but when I was a waitress at 18 years old I’d go to the chapel after my shift and tell God my dreams and that I wanted to speak in every high school in America! Well, He listens to us.

SD: Why do you think we should change our attitudes toward our bodies?

CC: It depends on what your attitude is in the first place. It might not need to change. But when I am speaking in High schools I always ask them if they have ever heard of the word Lust? They all say “yes!” Then I ask them, “Can you define it for me?” Dead silence. I begin to explain the many ways we use the word love. I can say, “I love my dog.” “I love my mom.” “I love my boyfriend.” And” I love pizza.” (Mary Beth Bonnocci speaks of pizza love) The word “love” meant something different in every sentence

When I say I love pizza… do I trust pizza? Am I going to cherish pizza and do special things for it? No. I love pizza because it gives me pleasure, it makes me happy, and when I’m done with it I through it away. Sadly, sometimes we do this with each other and that is called pizza love or lust. Lust is in it for the taking, love is in it for the giving. So ask yourself… do I constantly try to take? Or am I trying to give?

I’d like to share an embarrassing story. When I was in college I was at a party and I was talking to this guy that I didn’t know very well. When we were saying our goodbyes’ I gave him a hug. He had big muscles, so I for some reason decided to tell him “Wow, you have big muscles.” He became proud, and I again said something else very brilliant, “Oh, well I have a six pack.” The point of the story is this: He said “Oh ya, you have a six pack? Lift up your shirt, let me see it.” I just brushed it off saying it was really not that big of deal because in all honesty it was lie. He became annoyed that I did not lift up my shirt to show him this “six pack” and he said, “Christina, it’s just a body, we all have bodies.”

I just stood there and it hit me, that his attitude about looking at someone else’s body as no big deal is really sad. And THIS is what needs to change about our generation. We went our separate ways and I wish I would have said to him, “You know, I don’t view the body as just a body, to me it is a treasure and I don’t share it with every guy that I meet.” The reason that we cover ourselves is not because our bodies are bad, it is because they are so good!! But we are being lied to from the TV and the media to take our clothes off, while finding ourselves empty the next morning. I talk to them about realizing the true worth of their body and what a difference we could make if we stopped treating each other as no big deal.

SD: What is your definition womanhood as you see it?

CC: The most beautiful thing about a girl is her mystery. But we have become so available by the way we dress and dance. A guy will be as much of a gentleman as we require them to be. Girls have the power to turn a guys head but we also have the power to change their heart. Fashions have changed since the 60s but guys minds haven’t. I have a friend, Julie, who used to be a cheerleader for the Rams and she has an incredible story of how she got picked. She is a brunette so she knew she couldn’t compete with the blonde bombshells so she decided to be creative. She showed up for the tryouts and 1200 girls were trying out. They were all wearing bikinis, push up this… and showing that.

There were five judges, which were only men. As she approached the runway she wasn’t wearing a bikini. She wore a classy black dress to her knees, big sunglasses, and tucked all her hair up into a large hat. She carried herself with confidence and when she reached the end of the runway, near the judges, she whipped that hat off and let her beautiful hair fall out and then removed her sunglasses and walked away. The judges all stared and said, “Wow!” and she was chosen. She is an example that you do not have to be beautiful to show skin. And men are attracted to the mystery of a woman who knows this.

SD: Haven’t studies proven that all these chastity programs don’t work or are unrealistic?

CC: I’d be careful and look into what study you are talking about. Some are not reliable studies. I only know this because I studied Education in college and spent years researching what was going on in the education system and what exactly is being taught. Many heath classes teach abstinence for maybe a week and it consists of slide shows of STDs and then learning about body parts. It focuses on the negative consequences instead of the positives. Many people are uncomfortable talking about love and this is why our students are left confused about what it means to really love and who is telling them they are valuable? Also, the Government is sending mixed messages, for every $1 spent on abstinence programs, $12 is spent on condoms and safe sex programs.

As far as reliable studies: The National institute of Health (NIH) did a thirteen-month study on safe sex and I suggest you look into their findings. They have stated that the piece of plastic we offer teens is a joke and does not protect them emotionally, spiritually, socially, and even physically. They don’t call it “safe sex” or use the word “protection” because it would be a lie. We are just not being told these things.

Programs that work: W.A.I.T. Training is a program that is very effective that many teachers might want to incorporate. It is very positive and creative and can be taught in public schools. Best Friends is another program that has been very effective in the D.C. area with amazing results of more than half their students choosing to wait until marriage. Visit www.waittraining.com to find the statistics.

SD: What kind of reactions do you get from teenagers at your talks?

CC: Visit www.ursoworthit .org and click on the videos and see for yourself! It is the reactions that kept me going in the beginning. I had my own plans and a chastity speaker was not part of them at first. But after so many cards and emails from teens, I cried, because I saw how much they were screaming for someone to be real with them and give them hope. I left my “dreams” to help others achieve theirs. And it’s ironically very rewarding and I am very happy to do this for Christ.

SD: Wouldn’t restricting teenagers make them more curious or more likely to experiment, since the forbidden fruit is always sweeter?

CC: This is an interesting question because, in my opinion, there’s no way to restrict a teenager. If a teenager wants to do something, they probably will. My purpose is not to restrict them but to educate them. They are just as free to choose after my speech as they were before. And when I hit them with truth, many no longer desire what is empty or coated as “the forbidden fruit”. They are ready for what’s real and I make it very clear that it takes hard work and patience. Do you think they want to be empty? I don’t think they do. We are all searching for love and for what is real. Learning to love the way we were meant too, is freeing. Saying NO to sex is actually saying YES to your dreams, to your future, your future husband or wife!

SD: What advice would you offer to men or women trying to leave chaste lives?

CC: It is sooooo worth it!! Don’t settle! Wait for someone who challenges you to be a better person. And don’t quit if you mess up, no one is perfect. I speak not because I’ve lived a perfect life.. but because I haven’t given up and I still believe! I found that when I wasn’t praying I fell for the wrong guys and my standards fell because I just wanted to feel loved. Today, I pray the rosary every day and I stay close to Our lady. I have given my heart to Jesus for safe keeping and no one is going to get it until he says so. I write letters to my future husband and I pray for him every day now.

In more concrete ways: Before you and your boyfriend hang out or go away for the weekend, have a plan and be clear on where you will and will not hang out. The basement is never a good idea. Nothing good happens after midnight, and late night texts are trouble. And watch how God blesses it and you will experience a love you never knew existed!


Katie said...

Christina, you are amazing! I really wish you could go to every high school in the country! I know they are dying to hear someone speak the TRUTH to them! Thank you for everything that you do.

Savia said...

Hi Katie,

I second what you said!